Is creating a food allergy safe house really what’s best for your child with allergies? This is a controversial topic among families with children with severe food allergies. Let’s break it down and really take a look at this.
The Food Allergy Safe House – A home in which NO allergy foods are allowed.
This child doesn’t have to worry (and neither do his parents) about what he may eat while at home. He’s comfortable and can choose his own foods with ease. While at home he’s able to relax (and so can his parents) knowing that he’s safe. His parents make sure that they speak with him about what he can and cannot eat. They make sure to educate him about the seriousness of his allergies when he’s out in the real world. At home this child doesn’t feel different because everyone in the house eats what he eats. He is brought up feeling secure about the safety of his food choices while at home.
So what happens when this child goes to school for the first time? Is this child really prepared for sitting next to his friend that has an open container of cow’s milk? What happens when he goes to school and gets his first dose of feeling different? For many children coming from a food allergy safe house, the first year in school is a huge learning experience. Not only because he’s starting his educational journey, but because he’s learning to manage his allergies independently in a world that is not allergy free.
One of the many ways foods need to be labeled in a supervised house. Y = Yes he can eat it N=No he can’t eat it |
The Supervised House – A home in which allergy foods ARE allowed, but monitored.
This child grows up in a house with allergens all around him. This child learns at a young age what he can and cannot eat, not because someone told him, but because he makes those choices every day. He learns that because someone else is able to eat foods that he’s allergic to, he should not feel threatened, that’s just his life. He learns that he can be around people and for the most part they won’t be affected at all by his allergies. This child does not feel different when going to school because that has been his life forever. That it is his “normal”. His parents let him sit at the table with his siblings while they eat milk products or egg products. He knows from first hand experiences what happens if he sips from the wrong cup. For this child that mistake happened at home in his own environment, with his parents to care for him. His parents trust his abilities to be around allergens because he’s dealt with it at home since diagnosis. This child is more aware of his allergens because he hasn’t been protected from them his whole life.
What happens when this child goes to school for the first time? Is this child prepared for sitting next to his friend with the open container of milk? Are the parents more relaxed allowing this child to go to school knowing there will be allergens present? Does living in a supervised house increase the chances of this child having a reaction? Do the child and the parents learn something each time there is a reaction? Is it a positive lesson?
Does it take more effort for the parents to live in a house where allergens are allowed? Absolutely! But, in my situation the outcome is worth it. When our son was diagnosed with allergies to milk, soy, egg, peanut, tree nut, coconut, green pea, and garlic my oldest son was six years old. In no way do our youngest son’s allergies seem fair to me, but taking all of those foods away from my other son is also not fair. Honestly, it never even occurred to me to not allow those foods into our house. We don’t have any nuts available when our youngest is awake. Every dinner is made completely allergy free for the entire family, every night (okay, okay I do order take-out occasionally, just not for our child with allergies). However, I believe that with the amount of our son’s allergies he has to live this way. He must always be thinking “is this safe to eat?” Because when he gets too comfortable with not having to think about it, is when I feel he’ll make the wrong decisions out in the real world.
There have been many pros and cons to living our lives this way. My husband and I have both changed very much. The stress and anxiety of feeling like we’re always “on guard” has been a lot to handle. It made me feel like everything always needed to be planned; where are we going? Will there be animals? Do I have enough food packed? Did our oldest son leave his milk on the table? Did I wash my hands enough after handling the cheese? Does the dishwasher do a good enough job? Did my husband use the wrong sponge to clean the spilled cream? Did someone accidentally use their buttery knife and dip it into the jelly? (Are these not the same things our son will have to think of when he’s in college and living in dorms?) It just goes on, and on, and on, and on… However, I choose this type of house not only for my oldest son, but for my youngest son as well. I’m choosing to be the one to give him the hands on learning so I can feel like he’s prepared to go to school and off into the real world on his own. Because the choices he’ll make while in school are no different than the choices he’s already making at home.
- Elizabeth
cassie says
thank you for this. i am a mommy who just found out her 1 year old is allergic to milk, eggs and peanuts. i immediately went to the thought "i will have none of it in my home!" which i don't think has been fair to my 3 year old little girl. this is making me think. thank you.
Elizabeth DiBurro says
You're welcome Cassie. It may not be easy but I think it does make your child with allergies more aware of his/her allergies. Thank you for posting your comment. I love to hear how my views can help others. 🙂
Elizabeth
Tracy says
Thank you for your well thought out post. Our son is 1.5 and allergic to peanuts, eggs, corn, wheat, soy, dairy, sesame, tomatoes, peas, and possibly tapioca and citrus. He is currently on Neocate Splash/ Medical food because he was so sick and may have EE. Anyhow, we agree we can't remove all of these. We do make our house peanut and egg free since those are the two things he can react with just contact. He is still so little and puts everything in his mouth, but the rest of us are constantly alert and watching where we put food. The older 2 are 7 and 3.5 and they have learned so much and protect their brother so sweetly. I know our little boy will be better equipped in the future learning to live around allergens, although we do keep the most dangerous two out.
Thank you for your blog, so nice to see how other families help their sweet children thrive with food allergies.
Tracy
Elizabeth DiBurro says
Hi Tracy,
It sounds like your son and my Ryan have similar allergies. Ryan wasn't able to have Neocate. I believe it had coconut in it, if I remember correctly. What are your son's reactions, if you don't mind me asking?
Ryan's reactions, when he was an infant, were severe eczema which occurred only through the proteins that he was getting from my breast milk. Luckily I was able to determine his allergens before he started real foods.
Thank you for reading and I look forward to getting to know you better. It's a great comfort to me to be able to chat with other allergy moms who understand. I have learned so much from them, sometimes more than the doctors.
Elizabeth
Jennifer says
We have a supervised house for dairy, egg, and sesame, but keep our home free of peanut and tree nuts. My husband used to travel frequently and it was a challenge when our boys were toddlers to keep him up to speed on what foods I'd introduced and what was off limits. To make it easier, I resorted to using red and green electrical tape to label foods. A red X on the food package meant the food was not safe. A green + meant the food was fine. Quite simply: red means stop, green means go. It was a perfect system for us. By 18 months old, our youngest understood the system and could confidently choose his own safe snacks from the pantry. It was easy for grandparents and babysitters as well and eased our minds at trusting others to make the right choices for the kids when we weren't present. The benefits of electrical tape include not only the colors, but also that it will stick to dry, refrigerated, and frozen surfaces. Using this system, we never had a food mistake. I hope others can benefit from this tip.
Stacey Rae says
Thank you very much for your article. My son is allergic to all nuts (airborn), dairy, eggs, salmon, shell fish, many fruits and sooooooo much more, I found out while I was nursing him as a baby…what we thought was "colic" was actually allergy reactions. I am now remarried and blending households. We have a zero nut policy in the house and for the most part milk is out as well except for the single serving items that are for our own lunches opened outside of the house. My step son plays football and we have been trying to get weight on him and that include whey protein powder. Due to my son's sensitives that is the one thing I have just recently had to absolutely rule out of the house as I am constantly finding residue from it and after a recent milk/whey reaction with my son - just not willing to risk having the dust around. However, along with that paranoia I have been very close to making the house an allergy safe haven for him and banning all allergens. Yes it alleviates my constant concern but it's not reality and it's not fair to the other kids in the house so we have strict guidelines around where certain foods are kept, how we clean and et cetera. For the most part everyone follows through very well….just the protein powder was a problem. I get we have one son that needs to gain weight, but I have a life issue with my son - so we are constantly looking for alternatives and resolutions. My son is only 9 and from what I seen and heard, he is very good about questioning all items around him and ensuring his friends maintain a reasonable space from him and wash their hands after eating, whether there is an allergen present or not. He is also very good about making sure he doesn't eat anything unless he knows it comes from home - but they are definitely scenarios that terrify me and if I could…I would keep him in a bubble, but as we all know - that's just not a viable solution so I really appreciated reading your blog which put me back in touch with "reality." I wish there were more support groups and awareness (ex: planes are off limits for us) and understanding of the severity of food allergies.