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| Brothers Hampton Beach Summer 2011 |
I was in the garage vacuuming out the van (yes I drive a minivan…sigh…) when my nine year old, walks in with tears streaming down his face.
I ask him “What’s wrong?”
He says “I didn’t know he could have the bunny marshmallows.”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth I understood. I wrapped my arms around him and just held him as he cried, as we both cried.
Earlier that day I had purchased bunny shaped marshmallows, for the first time. Our son with allergies was so excited to try them. I opened the bag in the van so we could both have some. When we came home I put the opened bag up on the kitchen counter. The bag was still there when we came home from picking our oldest up at school.
While I was in the garage, my son with allergies stretched his arms up onto the counter and had eaten a marshmallow from the bag. Our oldest son was at school when I purchased them and didn’t realize that they were allergy free and instantly started yelling at his brother to spit it out. (This breaks my heart and makes me proud all at the same time.)
I didn’t have to ask my oldest son to know what thoughts were running through his head. He had been there every time his brother had a severe reaction. He had seen what it did and he was scared. I completely understand these feelings because I too share the same ones, we all do. As a mother, you never want to see your children in pain, physical or emotional. This is just one story about how food allergies affect us all emotionally.
It also made me think about how much I focus on the emotional well being of my son with allergies but not as much about my son without allergies. Allergies really does affect us all. What are some ways you care for your children without allergies? Do you find that they too are affected by food allergies?
-Elizabeth
I can feel the pain through this post. V is an only child, so we don't have siblings to deal with, but it must be so tough on them.
And, yeah. Allergies suck.
Hi Elizabeth, I found your blog after you posted a comment on mine about trying to keep things positive. I just wanted to say that you have a lot more to deal with (with your son's food allergies) than we do just being gluten-free. This post acknowledges that and I imagine it's probably very helpful for you to just tell it like it is sometimes. Doing so also helps other people realize what your family goes through and the very real impact it has on your life, helps with awareness and forms empathy from people who don't understand. My Godson/nephew is allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, eggs and milk and I know my sister feels the same way about his allergies as you do. I will definitely show her this post so she knows she is not alone. Thank you! ~Katie
Hi Katie,
Your words are so kind. Thank you. I'm not sure I ever really thought about what my experiences do for people that don't understand. I can only hope that it brings some awareness and empathy. I do try to explain some of my feelings in terms that are not all about allergies so that people who do not have allergy children can understand. Hopefully it helps.
I found your blog because of your sister, Jenny. She shared your gluten free ice cream cone giveaway on my facebook page. 🙂 Her and I have a lot in common on this road to parenting with allergies.
Thanks again for the kinds words. It means a lot.
Elizabeth 🙂
After a day of repeatedly telling my 5 year old to keep his hands out of his mouth for many reasons from germs to killing his sister i totally understand how you hate allergies- it really really sucks for us all- and I want them to be understanding but to also have the same fear I do. he know's he is her protector and has tackled her on several occasions when he thinks something is wrong. I hate that he has that- I also hate that when she makes us playfood she cooks different meals for each of us and gives us all different allergies…. it just is hard for us all. Ecspecially with easter as we have an egg allergy and after her having a reaction last year dying eggs I declared we were not doing it this year- so he will be headed to a friends house. it is just a hard fact and burden to carry… but it's our reality.
Oh gosh, I'm all teary. It's so sweet to hear how much the older brother cares for and watches out for his younger brother. In our family it's the older brother that has the allergies, so his younger sister won't be able to help out too much, at least for a few more years. As sweet as the story is, it certainly breaks my heart too. It breaks my heart that these children have to watch out for their siblings in that way. Perhaps the positive takeaway is that these kids will have a deeper bond given the additional stress they have to endure with living with food allergies.
My boys do have a fantastic bond. There is a five year age difference. My older son (the one without allergies) knows his brother's allergies very, very well and looks out for him. It makes me one proud Mama. 🙂 Thanks for the comments, Jen.
Oh, this post made me cry! What a sweet son you have to care so much for his allergic brother. It must break your heart to see him hurt like that!! But….it shows what an amazing family you have. Great blog!!
Your post reallly touched me. My oldest is the one with multiple food allergies and it's tough on all of us in terms of worrying about her. I often beat myself up about always worrying about her emotional needs and feeling as though I neglect my youngest in the process. It's really scary for my youngest daughter, she's also seen my oldest have horrible reactions to food. She feels horrible when she eats something that her sister can't have. It's difficult for me as a mom. I'm so torn between.. do I pay attention to the one crying in her room because she can't eat ice cream or the one hiding in her room eating it?? It's a difficult balance. I can only do my best as can you. Great post, the emotional struggles of food allergies are the worst part of it all but talking about it makes it feel a bit better.