As I collect all of our allergy child’s previous test results I can’t help but think of my feelings during those times. As a mother to a child with multiple allergies my emotions have been on a constant roller coaster. I feel as though every time I begin to feel confident and allow myself to lower my guard, a reaction occurs. So I get caught up in this never ending cycle of confidence, guilt, worry, and borderline craziness.
I’m haunted by other stories of fatal and near fatal reactions. A little girl at recess being given a peanut by a friend, a little boy in school being given a peanut butter granola bar, a little girl eating a sandwich that contained cross contamination, the teenager that ate the “safe” brownie (cross contamination), the little boy that ate a “safe” cookie (cross contamination), the adult that ate a “safe cookie” (cross contamination), the adult male that ate at a restaurant after describing in detail his allergies. All of these stories cross my brain each and every day.
It is because of these feelings and stories that I am unable to allow our allergy child to eat at restaurants. It is because of these stories that I allow very, very, few people to watch my son. These stories are double edged swords. On one hand it is because of these fatal reactions that so many more parents (including myself) are more aware of how to handle their child with allergies. However, it is on the other hand that these same stories haunt my dreams at night.
I am starting to feel that very same thing about this blog. Before I started writing about our experiences, it was much easier for me to let it go. However, now I feel as though my brain is constantly thinking about allergies. If I’m not thinking about the safety of my son, or what I’m going to make him to eat, then I’m thinking about what my next post should be about. It doesn’t help that I have ‘liked’ numerous allergy awareness sites on Facebook. It makes it downright impossible for me to just let it go. I’m still trying to figure out if that’s a good thing or not. Because like I said, when I do let my guard down, a reaction is almost inevitable. I guess all I can do is learn to deal with it.
-Elizabeth
Jenny says
Feel the same way. There is so much on facebook that i've thought of closing down my account because i can't stand the constant announcements of fatal or near fatal reactions. But on the other hand i can't bring myself to do it because i need to be informed. I too have not let my child eat from a restaurant and we have a very very SHORT list of people i let babysit and a very short list of homes we will go to….ugh….
Aggie says
Wow, you said that perfectly. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who gets caught in that cycle. We only allow one person to watch our daughter and have one steadfast rule for her. If it's not from mom, don't eat it. I, also would never risk eating out at restaurant.
Rachel Starchman says
I love your blog. I found you a week or two ago. I'm a 30 yr old SAHM to 3 boys and married to a handsome man, but I am the one with allergies. I have Eosinophilic Esophagitis, and my list is long. I was just dx 2 years ago, but I've suffered my whole life, and it was never found. My disease has ravaged my body and taken away so much from me. It's a wonder how I ever survived, I can't tell you how many times I choked, had the hemlich done on me, numerous times my throat, cheeks and esophagus swelled…I could go on and on. I don't know how I came out of if because now my food allergies are at there worst and I'm having reactions so bad that I'm pulling out my epi pen, ready to do it. Things that didn't bother me before are all of a sudden making me swell. It's been so hard. My main nutrition right now comes from elemental formula, and a safe cereal and a small amount of Enjoy Life chocolate. That's about it 🙁 oh and baked kale, I'm okay with that. I just figured out I'm ANA to almonds, that was so scary and I've eaten almond m&ms numerous times!
Anyway, I enjoy your blog 🙂 i managed to survive not knowing, so with how awesome you are, I'm .positive your doing above and beyond. It's a scary place when your allergic, (and restaurants just depress me, we rarely go out, I literally can't eat anything) but knowledge is power and by you teaching him your giving him the ability to make good choices 🙂
Anonymous says
OMG Elizabeth you are in my brain 😉 I certainly will not dissuade you from posting. I am so grateful that you do! BUT, I will say that breaks are good, and sometimes necessary for our sanity. I, like you am saturated with allergy free everything. I feel like it's not only my mission but my responsibility to become informed in everything that is allergy related. I have gotten to the point that I have to walk away from it for at least a day or so. For instance, my daughter is screaming at me for attention as we speak. I feel that I am doing something productive for her so I am validated in ignoring her. Awful, I know. I need to be better about living in the present and not in the "what ifs" of the future. If you find out how, please let me know!! Until then, just know you are not alone.
Angie
Elizabeth DiBurro says
Somehow dealing with all the crap we deal with regarding food allergies, isn't so difficult when you have people that truly understand. Sometimes I think half of my battles are my own insecurities on how others will perceive me. I don't want to be labeled 'that crazy allergy mom'. Every day I struggle with balancing life. Thank you for sharing your stories and being my support when I need it. You guys are the best. 🙂